Friday, September 2, 2016

An Open Letter to Anonymous Donors


We know you’re out there. We may not know your name or what exactly you look like but you are no secret to us. Years ago, you made a decision to change our lives, to begin our lives, and for that, in the end, we must thank you. Our thanks doesn’t mean we have to love you. Unfortunately, your choice to be anonymous have affected our lives, the lives you are a part of, in ways you could not have imagined.

I am sure at the time you weren’t thinking of the future when the child you could potentially help create would be an adult, a person, with desires of their own. Or perhaps you were told that being anonymous is better or you didn’t want to burden your future family with the knowledge of your decisions. Whatever your reasons for choosing to not be known to us, they don’t matter now. All that matters now is that you come out because we are waiting.

I am sure you’ve seen the stories (or at least heard of them) of how, because of the proliferation of DNA tests, sperm donation is no longer anonymous. We are searching for you. Eventually, we might find you so here is your chance. The world is changing, slowly, and secrets are becoming less common, less necessary, as acceptance struggles to the surface. I urge you to embrace the change. Let your secrets out. Reveal yourself to us, your children. We are no longer hiding in the shadows and waiting for you, we are out in the open, searching the faces of those around us. Searching for you.

Come out to us. Make yourselves known. Use the tools of our modern society, come onto Twitter and Facebook, test your DNA with Ancestry or 23andme. Find us because we are waiting. We have questions that only you can answer so come out and answer them for us, for you. We may not all be happy with you, we may not all like you, but we do all want to know you, to see you.

Our very existence proves that your choices exist, so come out and meet us, the consequences and results of your decisions. We’re waiting.


The Anonymous Donor Conceived Community*

(*Disclaimer: I do not presume to speak for the entire donor conceived community, I took some creative licenses while writing.)


  1. There is a widely held perception that donors are evil. We are thought to have donated for money and we are considered to be uncaring monsters who abandoned our "children". You have not made these particular accusations but still seem to hold the view that it is us who hide from our offspring. Please consider the following statistics. In Victoria Australia there are an estimated 6000 DC offspring and so about 1000 donors. VARTA manage a voluntary register for those wishing to make contact. 221 (or about 20%) donors are registered. 110 (or about 1.5%) of offspring are registered. Although sites such as AnonymousUs paint a picture of a vast number of hurt offspring, most DC offspring are not interested in tracking down their donor. I appreciate how easy it is to project on a person or incident all that seems wrong with your life. I hope one day you get to know your donor, but I suspect your life will not change when that happens.

    1. Thank you for the information I did not know about the voluntary registration in Australia! Thank you for reminding my that my views and beliefs may not be reflective of the donor conceived community as a whole, that is an important thing for me to remember! I believe that it is always important to note, however, that there are other circumstances that would prevent a donor conceived person from registering (parental approval and knowledge of donor conceived status are a couple). I would like to think that I do not come across as an angry donor conceived person, because I am quite grateful for my life, but will be more considerate of how I word articles in the future if that is haw it appears.
      Thanks for the response!