DC Post: Battling Negativity

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Lately I have, unfortunately, had to distance myself from parts of the Donor Conceived community. It is a sad separation but I feel that it is also a necessary one. I am relatively new to the process of opening up about myself, my struggles, my successes, and my identity. It is only in the last year or two that I have truly become vocal about my identity as donor conceived and I am still not the best at describing what that means, or even understanding it fully myself.

Perhaps, that being said, I am simply uninformed about the reality of donor conceived life, maybe I should be more bitter or more angry or more negative toward the industry that led to my conception and my birth. Let me backtrack.

I have been assailed of late by a slew of negative articles and comments about the donor conceived industry and same sex couples who use reproductive technology (such as gamete "donation" or surrogacy) in particular. While I realize that there are great improvements to be made and changes that need to be made for the well-being of the DC (access to genetic connections being the least of them), I have become increasingly distanced by the open hostility displayed toward parents. Maybe these parents could have used a different method for fertility (although unless the children are born through "normal" sex and raised by at least one of their biological parents someone is going to complain). Maybe I am being too lenient in understanding the parents and it is tempering my "righteous anger".

Who knows.

The end result is the same: I am not bitter or angry about being donor conceived. Am I upset that I do not know half of my biology? Yes. Do I wish that the laws were not so very convoluted and backwards, essentially giving those donor conceived fewer rights than normally conceived and (in some places) adopted individuals? Yes. Will I work to change those laws? Yes. But I will not rear up against parents who have chosen donor conception with righteous anger because it solves nothing. Instead I will work to educate these parents on the importance of honesty and the value of biology. I will encourage them to accept and foster their child's emotions about their identities so that, perhaps, the next generation of donor conceived have the answers that previous generations have been denied.

I am not saying that there are not times when I wish I had more answers or that I am always as happy as can be with my situation but I am who I am, I cannot change that and all anger would do is make me bitter and lessen my effectiveness in making change. I will fight with determination and passion to change the process of donor conception and surrogacy for the next generation but I will do so without anger at the parents who have given birth to us. I will condemn the corrupt policies and processes that have led to the system we have without alienating those who decided to use that system in ignorance. I can still feel betrayed by my ignorance of my biology without letting it define my life or turn me against who I am, because even if I am ignorant of it, it is a part of me and I refuse to betray myself.

I will fight my battles with kindness and understanding, battling myself as much as the system, to enact true change. It is impossible to stop the process that has begun but we can change how it proceeds if we are just willing to rise above ourselves and look to best future for all involved because stubborn anger and negativity can only get us so far. True positive change can only come from compromise and understanding.

*I previously had an image from We are Donor Conceived here but it was brought to my attention that it was sending the wrong impression about the community (which I genuinely love) so I decided to change it.

Welcome to the New World Order

Anyone who knows me (or has read my previous post about AoS) knows that I love Marvel. Absolutely LOVE it. It is one of the few genres of anything that I follow consistently in every medium (comics, movies, television shows, webcasts, fan videos, etc). When Captain America: the Winter soldier came out I saw it 3 times on the opening weekend and I took detailed notes the second time (this was back before I had a blog). Yes, this makes me a nerd. Who cares? 

With this fair warning given, I am in love with this season of AoS. Insanely in love with it. I was afraid that it was going to be odd with multiple "main plots" but it works. Besides, those were simply overt sub-plots while the main plot chugged along in the background. Also, AoS is known for having multiple plots going on at the same time (does no one remember season 2?). I will admit that this season has been a lot more convoluted than the past but the consistent themes have made it flow together beautifully, twisting into a complex creation with the main cast at its center.

Two of the themes that we've seen develop throughout the season have been the development and progression of Aida, the now evil AI, and the growing intolerance towards and fear of the Inhumans (and Daisy's attempts at a self sacrificial redemption but we are hopefully past that now). These two warring themes have finally come to a head (as of 2 weeks ago, officially) through the Framework where everything is muted and dark and Nazis rule the world. Alright, so it isn't really Nazis, it is Hydra, but the comparison was intended (especially since Hydra came from Nazis, as Jemma so beautifully reminded us). And behind the Nazis is Aida (now going by Ophelia or Madame Hydra). She was built to learn how to be human and she had a good teacher... the Russian Neo-Nazi Watchdog, the Superior (and yes, the italics do indicate sarcasm). Anyway, the Framework is a dark and twisted "what if" world where Shield fell and Hydra is in charge; some key differences are that there are no smartphones, drones watch our every move, government check points are usual to check IDs, they test for Inhuman DNA, and then they round up all potential Inhumans and experiment on them to death. 

Yes, I feel justified in calling them Nazis. As my brother pointed out, that is what they were going for, the just replace the Inhumans with the Jews and there isn't even a stretch for the imagination. (Oh, and all you people claiming that it is the "left wing agenda" portraying anti-right sentiment, maybe take a look at what they are actually portraying and ask yourself why you see a connection between the two.)

My fear is what could come after (and, yes, I am too emotionally involved in these characters; bite me). Once they get out of the Framework so many things could happen. Either Daisy and Jemma will find a way out and then track down everyone else and then bust them out (with Daisy getting another massive showdown with the now android Superior) or everyone disconnects at the same time, rendezvous and then kick some serious android butt. Either way, good guys will win (with damages and sorrows and so forth as with every season but the first). The characters getting out of the framework isn't a concern, the concern is what will they remember? Obviously Daisy and Jemma will remember everything (good thing they had Daisy hopped upon Hive to practice forgiveness when teammates go to the dark side) but what will the others remember? Will their lives in the Framework be like a bad dream that they eventually forget or will it feel as real to them in the real world as it does inside? And if it does feel just as real, how damaged will they be? (Heck, even if it's all just a dream, dreams can really mess up your mind sometimes.)

If it is remembered as real, think of all the guilt and regret and anger and sorrow these people are going to feel. If Daisy's depression and guilt was bad, wait until we have every member of the main cast going through a redemption period! Phil wouldn't be too bad, kind of nerdy jokes, the crazy guy who makes soap and lives alone. but he was an innocuous teacher (brainwashing teenagers but still, innocuous). Mack is going to remember this life that he never had with his daughter and experience it as if it were real and will have the guilt of his betrayal of Daisy (although he did forgive her for nearly killing him so they will probably be fine). Mace... meh. He could easily become the person that he is in the Framework (minus the whole Inhuman bit). May's result of righting her greatest regret led to Hydra taking control. She will still feel those deaths, she will feel the horrors that she acted against people. She will feel her betrayal of Daisy (the girl that she could save, the girl that is practically her daughter). On the other hand, it might help her to stop beating herself up over Bahrain. Then we have Fitz. I don't even know where to begin with Fitz. He is the Eduard Wirths to Aida's Hitler. His regret was his father leaving (I believe) and so in this new world he didn't. Instead the man transformed our sweet innocent little Fitz into a psychopath, perverting his genius and destroying his innocent outlook (or maybe that was the freaking NAZI regime). If Fitz remembers these things (especially if the torture of Daisy actually happens) I am not sure hot he will survive. We were JUST getting our happier Fitz back, why must he be destroyed again?

And since where there is Fitz there is Simmons, how will Simmons look at Fitz now? Not only has she had to brutally murder the android version of the love of her life after he stabbed her and hit her over the head with a paint can (and you just know that any mention of marriage will forever be tainted by that incident), she has also just witnessed Fitz turned into a soulless Nazi who murdered an innocent woman (not to mention the fact that he is about to torture Daisy; even if it isn't real its not going to be easy to get over). Will my lovely Fitzsimmons ever get a break? Can't they just be happy for once?

I can't wait for the rest of this season, each episode keeps me on the edge of my seat and is an emotional roller coaster (I'm the sort of fan you want, the overly invested emotional kind) that has me squealing in a way that explains why I'm still single (only slightly joking there, I am sure that there are other reasons). On that same note, I am very happy that I am not trying to watch all these episodes at once for the first time because I would probably end up in hospital (and not just for work).

Unrelated, and maybe this is just because I take people's vitals so often, I am REALLY curious what Jemma and Daisy's vitals have been doing in the real world. What are the few living Agents (and Yo-Yo) thinking? I can only imagine that Jemma's heart rate spiked big time when Fitz killed Agnes. And I don't even want to consider what Daisy's vitals will do if she is actually tortured/experimented on...